Weird Shit Velcro – Stories About Navigating The Human Landscape

I have captivated all of my friends and family for many years with my dating and daily life stories. Thus, this blog is my opportunity to share these amusing and ridiculous anecdotes with anyone who is interested, bored with their life, passing time or just has the awesome, shit ass luck to run upon it by chance. If nothing else, you will be entertained…start with March 20 "You will be entertained….too good to make up."

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Where Colorado meets the Caribbean….New Zealand smells like a honeysuckle and the service is…well it needs work to say the least…

I’ve come to the conclusion over the last five days (I am on day 6 but really 5 if you factor in jet lag) that New Zealand basically embodies the low key Caribbean mentality combined with the ocean activities and level of service married to a Colorado mountainous landscape and outdoor enthusiasm.  Yes. I agree with myself there. Granted I have only been on the Northern island thus far and my experience has been varied and interesting to say the least.

Auckland. Well it’s a big city. And, to me, it was like an even more sad Vegas complete with horrific fashion, faces and bodies to match yet on the edge of such incredible beauty which made it much more tolerable. Waiheke, an island I hated to leave today…low key beauty and such beautiful beaches and landscape. Yet I was strongly encouraged to come North – so it was a day of ferries, busses, more ferries and schlepping.  Six hours later here I am in Russell in the Bay of Islands.  Staying at one of the first hotels in New Zealand – name to be revealed later in case of crazy stalkers – yup have met a few characters in the last couple days. Shocker I know.  Not you M&M – whom I met near the beach in Onetangi and ended up bbqing at M’s house.  Always a great idea to go with two strange guys to bbq at one of their houses. Hmmm  – not my smartest hour but again not the first time. And here I am. Tonight I arrived at my hotel and literally made a b-line for the bar. At said bar I met Peter who invited me to have a drink with him and his boating friend. And thus my night began and basically ended at their table.

Which brings me to my last, and possibly only, point of the evening. That is – I have gained an enormous amount of appreciation for the American system of incentivizing restaurant workers via tipping.  In the US, generally, if you order something to eat or drink it arrives. It may take a while but at least you get it eventually. I have noticed or noted on several occasions in all of five days that I often order food and/or beverages and they just never get communicated to whomever is supposed to fulfill the order. It’s becoming a constant source of frustration. Now my Kiwi friend told me not to “get all American” on the staff but really how hard is it to eventually fulfill an order?  I mean seriously these are not difficult requests – red wine, French fries, water?! But as a person who loved waitressing and has travelled all over the world I now, more than ever, appreciate the idea of the tip. Monetarily “the tip” system provides an incentive and verbally, well, a “tip” is always helpful.  I think I have actually also met maybe one kiwi staff member – so it’s spring here and all the workers are apparently ex-pats who are stopping off to work for the summer. I have met folks from Ireland, England, India, Fiji, Germany, Argentina and a whopping two kiwi workers!  Fascinating.

That said, the human landscape while nothing to admire per se cannot compare to the actual landscape that has an over-riding scent of honey suckle and is simply beautiful…


My view this morning….


My new friends at Cable Bay Vineyard…


Isn’t nature so beautiful…Image

And wet…ImageImage

I know these aren’t honeysuckles for the critics out there but they sure are gorgeous and the smell that enveloped my aura at 8am when I took these was amazing…


The alleged Russian billionaire’s “yacht” that looks like a possible submarine to me – moored in Auckland for the last three weeks…


Aboard my last mode of transportation this afternoon…





And one new friend. Sorry K – too many beers…