I am not a particularly religious person. Truth be told I am not sure what I believe in in terms of religion per se but I do believe in some sort of higher power and that many things that happen are not merely coincidences.  That said, I got myself baptized about 10 years ago – I think because someone had told me when I was a kid that I was going to hell if I wasn’t baptized. So after years of thinking about it and researching, I walked into an Episcopalian church on the upper west side one Sunday and the female minister, Lillian, who would later become a dear friend, was quoting Bob Dillon and I thought “I can hang here”.  Lillian came to understand that, as I had disclosed when we met, I was never going to be the person who comes to church every week or even once a month and sits in the front row.

I have since moved to another part of town and haven’t found a new church.  Frankly, my favorite time to go to church is when no one is there as it’s a quiet place to think and reflect.  I also like to attend midnight mass on Christmas Eve, sometimes Easter services and Ash Wednesday administration of the ashes.  That was today.

I started giving up things for Lent about five years ago just to see if I could do without for 40 days. Things I love. Generally food related.  One year it was sugar and I was a bitch on wheels for the first week. Sugar withdrawal is rough even when one isn’t a big candy eater.  The next year it was just dessert, not all sugar. The following it was cheese. You get the gist. So this year I contemplated giving up alcohol. I really did for a day or two.  But last night I realized after I signed up for Match.com for a month to provide some entertainment as well as to throw my hat in the ring again to hopefully meet someone that I am not sure I can endure some of those blind date meetings without at least one glass of a pain killer/social lubricant. Thus, alcohol was off the table.

So tonight as I showered quickly rushing to make it to church at 6PM it came to me. As all my good ideas do come – when I am in the shower. I decided to give up saying the F word for 40 days. Yes that was it I thought to myself as I combed conditioner through my hair swiftly. I am sure there is something perhaps sacrilegious about giving up a word like this for Lent but I think the higher powers would be cool with me not cursing as much.  Could I do it I wondered? I know it is a foul word some say but I happen to love that word. It’s so versatile. It’s a verb, an adjective, a noun, an adverb (google “the F word” – it’s funny and the video will explain it) so hopefully you get it.  Anyway, I know it happens to slip out here and there and, I must add, some have found it offensive from time to time so I figured it’s worth a shot.

Knowing myself a bit, ok a lot, I decided to up the ante and committed that I would put a dollar in a jar for every F word that utters my lips for the next 40 days.  So I already owe $6 and it’s only been six hours. Ugh.  I know this makes me out to be a very foul mouthed cursing maniac which I am not. Really! But I do love this word even though it is… well… not well appreciated by everyone. I also decided to keep a daily video log of how it’s going. Perhaps some interviews. May make it into a short. We will see.

After Easter, the entire jar will be donated to a charity of my choice.  In fact, tonight I thought that it might be the perfect start for a new charity that a friend and I were discussing the other day. We will see but it seems like this may be much more difficult than sugar. Or I will just have to keep my mouth shut for 40 days…..hmmm…never gonna happen. Thank God I kept the booze!

I woke up two days ago in the middle of a seemingly incredibly realistic dream where I was about to compete as a figure skater in the Olympics (yes I grew up skating) while my fellow (much older) skater from way back when, Scott Hamilton, assured me that my make-shift outfit would work for my program. I ended that same night at a familiar intersection of bad judgment and holy shit this is my life. Not even worth inserting the “dating” story behind the bad judgment aspect but suffice it to say that being seduced by a guy with a girlfriend, now fiancée, isn’t exactly how I like to conduct my life. Close that chapter.

Thankfully, I was seeing a couple NOLA bands that night – one of my favorite hobbies – and heard Brandon Niederauer play the guitar. A 10 year old prodigy – simply incredible. Do check him out – it’s a MUST. It was a night saver. 

The last few weeks have been…well…weird. Shocker I know but a week in the SF area exploring “opportunities” that became an interesting due diligence trip also made me reevaluate Northern CA. I like the physical landscape.  A lot. I have made some lovely friends I must admit. Truly cool, nice people who are generous of mind and spirit. That said, I really do feel that SF is sort of a city of misfits of sorts. And I may fit in a bit but I also think I may now have too much of a NY edge for that town.

Then I traveled to Amsterdam for a few days for a conference. What a town. I had heard they had gotten tougher on the drug trade but I concluded it’s much more lenient so to speak when I went into a “coffee shop”, asked for a cup of tea and the response was “sure but only if you buy some cannabis.” When in Rome.  I had to take a photo of the menu.

Only moments before I had been offered mushrooms, liquid MDMA, liquid cocaine (I think that was what he said – I was still in shock from the shrooms which they were all admittedly on) and a few other interesting concoctions. Such great people watching – it’s a city of bikes and canals. Even at 2am people are riding around on their bicycles, no helmets and little lights on front. Super cute.

Fascinating town. And interesting menu translations…flavored rolling papers and seed shops.Would love to live in a town like that….hmmmm….

I have heard the expression “every problem is an opportunity in disguise.” I must have a lot of opportunities in front of me at this juncture because life seems to be bombarding me with one situation after another.  That said, there have been plenty of signs lately that I need to start listening to…listen to your gut…and time to start writing again.