And perhaps a bit more anxious initially when the man who sits down next to me introduces himself by saying he had a panic attack on the 8AM flight and had to get off.  Luckily he had taken 3 Ativan before the 4PM apparently and seemed quite relaxed as he snapped his gum. Turns out that due to the crazy storms in the Midwest the flight was very turbulent in my opinion and apparently the Pilots thought that as well as they had the staff sit for the majority of the flight. Over the last year I have become unsure as to what I believe in terms of “God” per se but I do believe in some higher power. That said, on turbulent flights I become quite religious and “please God” is a semi-regular phrase.  Said man, Sam, actually ended up comforting me and talking to me throughout the flight to distract me so I wouldn’t worry about dying. It’s really not the flying part that scares me. It’s the dying in an airplane crash. Fast I suppose but I think I would definitely have a heart attack and that’s what would probably get me. Which is ok actually.

Anyway, I am now back and in less than 24 hours I have not left my house,even to get groceries, but been inundated with mundane work.  I realized today that, although I have a comfortable, even lovely to some, home – to me it is really one large office. I have worked at home for 13 years and when I am home I feel like I should always be working. Its sort of a problem that needs to be resolved ASAP.  It’s great to have work but I need to get out more and that was what was nice about CA – there is so much to do!

I spoke to a wonderful woman tonight who works for me and lives in Canada – turns out she may be my longest relationship – going on 9-10 years it seems. Neither of us could remember when she started. Anyway, she said “aren’t there so many things to do at night in NYC?” And I replied “yes but once you’ve done them, you’ve done them.” It’s great to go out to the theater, new restaurants, old dives, music clubs, dance clubs,the symphony and the unending plethora of charity benefits which I stopped attending some time ago unless I really care. But I have done all of this and as I have mentioned, thinking out loud here, I am done. I’ve done the clubs until 5AM and seen everyone from The Who to the Allman Brothers (several times) to Coldplay. And even Bobby Short back in the day when my mother dragged me to see him at the Cafe Carlyle at 11:30PM for dinner.   I have gone to the US Open almost every year even though ticket prices have escalated to an insane amount. And I have seen a ton of theater, some comedy and probably not spent enough time in museums of late.

For me, there was just so much more to do in SF. Maybe because it was all new and I had to explore. Maybe I would get bored there in time but it was nice to wake up and look at the ocean. Even in Sebastopol not on the water, but near, this past weekend, it was gorgeous – the mountains, trees, cows, lambs, wine….all signs point to go. Just need to figure it out…in the meantime….this spoke to me. I got lucky and met a few very kind people in CA and it/they made all the difference.